This passed weekend has been a lifesaver. Logan and I really needed some time together and some time away. God really blessed us over Easter weekend. I can’t be more thankful for the rekindling we experienced. I love my husband with all that I am. This time apart is only a season, and I can’t wait to come out of it! <3
It’s just been another one of those days. You know, the one’s where you want to just roll up and die…. I don’t think I’m making a difference in the world at all. In fact, on days like today, I feel like the world would be a better place without me. Will I act on this? Of course not. Do I know God has a plan for me? Of course. Does it make me feel any better? …not at the moment.
I can’t believe how pathetic I’ve become. The best part is: I let other people get to me as well. So it’s not just me that makes me feel bad…but others make me feel bad. Like family not wishing me Happy Birthday. Thanks a lot, glad you care. Well, I guess I can just stop caring about your birthday too. We’ll see how you feel then. I hope you know just how much that hurts.
I’m just ranting online like a loser, I know. But I feel like a loser right now…. I freaking hate myself.
I’ve been told you need to keep a list near by at all times in order to motivate yourself when you workout. Or at least run that list through your head when you’re feeling like giving up. So, I’m making a solid form of my list. I don’t care how silly it might seem to other people, it is mylist and my reasons.
1. I want to be as sexy as I can for my husband. & it’s hard to act sexy when you don’t *feel* sexy.
2. I’m sick of being self conscious every time I hang out with other females.
3. I want to be able to wear cute outfits and actually look cute in them.
4. Bikinis.
5. I don’t want to constantly feel uncomfortable in my own skin anymore.
6. Be more willing to get dressed up and go out.
7. Just be HEALTHIER in general.
8. I don’t want my weight/self-esteem to control my life anymore!
It’s that simple. There are other factors that are like, sub categories to what has already been stated. Like, when I get pregnant, I want to be healthy from the get-go so I don’t spiral in weight loss or bad eating habits. When I go for a jog people won’t be thinking ‘oh hey, look at that fatty trying to get thin’ they’ll think: ‘oh wow, she’s dedicated!’
I’m just ready to be content with how I look. End of story. After a workout is when I feel the worst about myself, and the best. It’s funny. I feel good because I did something about it, I worked OUT! I’m PROUD of myself for doing it. But I feel like a failure at the same time, because I get SO tired. Makes me feel pathetic.
But I know I’m on the right track. I’ll be there soon! I just have to stay determined, stay focused, and remember all the reasons why I’m working so hard!
via 
Bad Day
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice Say goodnight
As the world falls apart
I can’t let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this
Here’s a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
I can’t let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
I’m talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I’m dying in this silence
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way?
